Happy Birthday to me

Well today is my 40th birthday and I am feeling pretty good about the next year. My goal in December was to lose 5 pounds. Although I had a gain this week of three pounds, I did manage to lose 5.4 for the month which I am happy about. I haven't decided yet on a goal for January but it will be at least the same maybe more.

Christmas is over......thank God.

Well Christmas week is finally over and I think I managed to keep the damage to a minimum. I have weigh in on Tuesday morning and I am hoping to have an STS or at least a small gain. It has been an interesting week. Lots of treats at work and at home but I have been a lot better than I would have been in previous years. A sneak peak at the scale this morning is showing a gain of about 2 pounds but I am hoping that it will be gone by Tuesday morning for weigh in.

My birthday is Tuesday also and I am hoping that Michael will be taking me out to supper but I will track it. As of Wednesday morning I am 100% back on track again until next Chrsitmas lol. It seems to be the only really hard time of year for me.

I will be starting the new year in the vacinity of 235 pounds and hoping to be at least 52 pounds lighter by new years next year. With this new program with weight watchers and with the support of Michael I will make it.

I love him so much and will do anything for him. I just wish this was easier. (Hopefully he will stop bringing treats into the house)

Week 3 weigh in

Today was weigh in day and I was very excited to see another loss of 2.8 pounds. I am at 8.4 pounds in three weeks. The next weeks and a half are gonna be the real challenge. I am determined to do it though and I will make it through Christmas this year.

I have a lot of things on my mind with my mom and everything but I am not gonna let food have control over me.

I have to remember 2011 IS MY YEAR!!!!

Tuesday was WI day

Ok so Tuesday was weigh in day and I was down another 3.2 pounds for a total of 5.6 pounds in two weeks. The past two days have been pretty bad with the stress of Christmas and TOM lurking but I am determined not to let it control my life. I am going right now to make meals for tomorrow and the next day to ensure that I don't "spontaneous eat" anything. It will be nice when Christmas is over and all of these temptations and stress are over with. It will make things a little easier then. Looking forward to the new year and I am making 2011 MYyear. I will reach my goal this year. It will be the first time since my early teens that I will see under 200 pounds. I am hoping to get there before my surgury so hopefully things will go better for me. I am trying my best for Michael and he deserves this more than anything else. I will do this for him even if it is the last thing I do. He deserves to have a beautiful healthy thin wife and I want to give him that.

Ok meals for tomorrow are planned. Breakfast is a ham and cheese omelet with a sliceof toast and a glass of milk.

Supper is a salad with a small ham steak on the side.

Snacks are applesauce and a banana. Cheese bun with cheese whiz if another snack is needed.

Tomorrow is ready to go and I am back on track.

DAY 6

Tomorrow morning is weigh in and I am anxious to see what this week has done to me. It has been a very very stressful week but things are starting to get back to normal again. I still haven't made any plans for Christmas yet until I get a chance to talk to Michael to see what he is doing. The last thing I want is for his parents to be pissed because I am spending Christmas with my family BUT I do want to spend as much time as I can this year as this is probably my last Christmas with my mom. Will check back in tomorrow morning with weigh in results.

FEEL LIKE SHIT

I haven't slept in two fucking days and I feel like shit. Michael is all upset with me. He moved to the couch tonight and wouldn't talk to me when I asked him what was wrong. I felt sorry for him figuring he moved because I was snoring again. I covered him up and went to sleep on the other couch. An hour later he gets up and goes back to bed. Not sure what the hell I did but it hurts having a husband that won't talk to you. Since he wouldn't talk (which he is famour for) I typed out a letter and gave it to him to read. He got mad saying that it didn't have anything to do with me that his back was sore. IF that was true why not say anything especially when I asked him? He has gone back to bed mad at me now and I am sitting here very upset and crying. I just wanna run away tonight and never come back again. I HATE MYSELF SO FUCKING MUCH. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF!!!!! I'M A FUCKING BITCH WHO DOESN'T DESERVE ANYTHING GOOD IN LIFE. HELL I DON'T EVEN DESERVE THE LIFE I HAVE BEEN GIVEN. I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!

Day 3 - rougher

Ok well yesturday was day 3 and it was a rough day. Only overdid it by about 7 points (used my WP) but it was a crappy day. Very very busy at work with the joys of rude customers shopping before Christmas. I came home to a nice homecooked meal that I cooked the night before and was just starting to relax when my husband and I started to talk. I asked him if he had mentioned to his parents about the plans that we had made yet for Christmas. He said no because they were what I wanted to do he didn't have a say in them. We have been talking since March about Christmas. This is the last year I get to spend with my mom and I wanted us to spend the day together with Michael. He pissed me off enough that I called my mom and canceled the plans. Now she is going to go spend Christmas with a friend of theirs and I won't see her at all. I told Michael last night that he could do whatever he wanted for Christmas because I didn't care anymore. I was hoping to spend the day with both of them but I guess I may be spending it alone instead. As far as I am concerned it isn't gonna be much of a Christmass anymore anyway.

Back at it this morning but I'm not sure what kind of day it is gonna be. I'm not hungry and not feeling well this morning (2 hours sleep does that to a person). I have to work at 1 this afternoon and work all night and then back up at 630 in the morning to go back in again. I am gonna be exhausted and probably sick before this weekend is out. I can't wait for Christmas to be over.......

Dec 2 - Day 2

So today is day two. Things are going fairly well so fair except Michael is tempting me bad. I know he isn't doing it on purpose but it makes things so difficult. Mint oreos for dessert for supper and chips tonight. It makes things very difficult and I can't bring myself to tell him not to bring the stuff into the house. He is about 155 and already thinks he is fat - if I tell him that he will end up losing more weight and becoming unhealthy. I just wish he would stick to his treats when I am not home.

As for today I used 17 of my WP but I did earn 4 AP as well. Most importantly I tracked everything although I went over my DP (this is new for me lol). Meals are all made for tomorrow and I still have 2.5 points left. Meals look like this:

B instant oatmeal and orange juice

S a banana

L salad with lettuce, carrots, green onion, cheese, croutons and dressing with a yogurt

S an apple

D white rice with mixed veggies, carrots and a boneless skinless chicken breast, eggnog for a drink

I know it is gonna start to get harder from here but I am trying to stick with it. I need to be healthier for my surgury and I need to be thinner for Michael. I want him to love me on the outside as much as on the inside.