About me

It is the beginning of December 2010. I have been married to Michael for 3 wonderful months. We have returned from our honeymoon in Branson and I have gained a few pounds. It is time to really get serious about things. I am going in for a hysterectomy in the next few months and need and want to be healthier before I have to go in. I want less chance of complications during the surgury. I am starting first thing in the morning with tracking my points with weight watchers again and my first goal is to hit under 200 pounds.

A few days ago Michael told me that he has given up on me ever losing the weight. That hurt me more than anything else that he has ever said to me. I am going to do this to make me healthier and also to prove him wrong. The look on his face when he said that to me broke my heart. I am not even gonna mention this to him until I start to see some results. Then I will tell him I rejoined again and hopefully I will see a look of "proud" on his face again. It has been a long time since I have seen that look.

So I am heading over now to the weight watchers website to resign up. I am looking forward to the upcoming changes on December 6th though.

Michael I am doing this for you - for US.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

FEEL LIKE SHIT

I haven't slept in two fucking days and I feel like shit. Michael is all upset with me. He moved to the couch tonight and wouldn't talk to me when I asked him what was wrong. I felt sorry for him figuring he moved because I was snoring again. I covered him up and went to sleep on the other couch. An hour later he gets up and goes back to bed. Not sure what the hell I did but it hurts having a husband that won't talk to you. Since he wouldn't talk (which he is famour for) I typed out a letter and gave it to him to read. He got mad saying that it didn't have anything to do with me that his back was sore. IF that was true why not say anything especially when I asked him? He has gone back to bed mad at me now and I am sitting here very upset and crying. I just wanna run away tonight and never come back again. I HATE MYSELF SO FUCKING MUCH. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF!!!!! I'M A FUCKING BITCH WHO DOESN'T DESERVE ANYTHING GOOD IN LIFE. HELL I DON'T EVEN DESERVE THE LIFE I HAVE BEEN GIVEN. I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!
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